yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
