How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize