mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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