She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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