Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
