the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
