No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
