I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
a search helicopter?!
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
