just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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