Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
