Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
