evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
