Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
