So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Randomize
