I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Randomize
