By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize