dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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