I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
