I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
