Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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