Your favorite bartender is back from prision
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
