Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Randomize
