She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Success! We fucked roommates!
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize