You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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