If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
