I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
too bad you live with your parents still
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
