Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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