I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Randomize
