OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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