Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
