I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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