There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
