Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i wish my penis had a tongue
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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