Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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