Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
