Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
