Buhtt sex?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
