my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
