Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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