I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
