they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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