I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I did not marry a roomba.
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