GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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