so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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