He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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