Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
