you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
