a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i wish my penis had a tongue
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize