My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize