i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
