Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
