I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize