There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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