I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Randomize
