the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Randomize
