I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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