ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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