my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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