Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize
