If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
