Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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