Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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