Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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