can we get nightvision for the apartment?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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